Scanlyze

The Online Journal of Insight, Satire, Desire, Wit and Observation

Deconstructing Miss Teen South Carolina

Miss Teen USA 2007 – South Carolina answers a question

Q (Aimee Teegarden): Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans polled can’t locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?

A (Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton): I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for uh.

Analysis:

I personally believe

…but don’t be offended if you don’t agree…

the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps

Why can’t the “US Americans” locate the US on a map? They don’t have maps! Brilliant!

This next part is strange and difficult.

and I believe that our education

She seems to be rallying here…

like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere

Those are countries, on maps, somewhere, everywhere… good…

like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S.

but they are foreigners, we should help educate our own people first (?)

or should help South Africa

Or maybe not, maybe we should help African nations like such as… South Africa… that’s like such as in Africa, right?

and should help The Iraq and Asian countries

The Iraq is another country on maps, I know because there’s a war there in The Iraq called “The Iraq War”, and its on maps, and, like such as, the Asian countries like such as, um, the Asian countries…

so we will be able to build up our future for uh.

Time is running out, end on a positive and inclusive note. Don’t forget to smile at the camera!

This video has been viewed around the world more than 12 million times. US Americans, the world isn’t laughing with us, they are laughing *at* us.

This girl clearly has all it takes to be President!

Tube Map for Miss South Carolina

See also: Google on Bush and “Miss Teen South Carolina” (581,000 entries)
Song for Miss Teen USA 2007 South Carolina- Andy Hide

Copyright © 2007 Henry Edward Hardy

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5 September, 2007 Posted by | Aimee Teegarden, deconstruction, education, fool, laughingstock, Lauren Caitlin Upton, like such as, maps, media, Miss Teen USA, news, politics, scanlyze, South carolina, teen, US, USA, video | 2 Comments

‘Children of Men’ is a Thoughtful, Provocative Science Fiction Drama

‘Children of Men’ is a Thoughtful, Provocative Science Fiction Drama

Children of Men
Universal Studios, 2007 (Widescreen Edition)

by Henry Edward Hardy

Children of Men is a brutal and provocative vision of modern society stressed beyond its breaking point. It is 2027, and no children have been born for 18 years. Theo Faron (Clive Owen) is a civil servant and former radical now working for the totalitarian civil administration in Britain. Theo is played with shell-shocked stupor by Owen. Theo fails to react visibly as a nearby shop blows up and a woman runs out screaming, holding the remains of her arm in her remaining hand. Owen’s best friend is broadly portrayed by Michael Caine, who channels John Lennon in his character of aging hippie “Jasper”.

Theo’s life of quiet desperation is shattered when his ex-wife-turned revolutionary, Julian (played by Julianne Moore), has him kidnapped and bribes him to assist in smuggling a young woman out of the country. Britain stands alone as much of the world descends into terrorism and anarchy–but it is a future Britain with much in common with dystopian novels such as George Orwell’s 1984.

Children of Men has much of the immediacy of a hand-held camera or a first-person view. A six minute sequence, apparently filmed continuously, represents the harshest and most realistic-appearing combat footage in cinema since Saving Private Ryan. The computer effects are undetectable; everything looks harshly, painfully real.

Children of Men is full of eclectic references, from Pink Floyd’s Animals to Banksey to Picasso to The Godfather to TS Elliot. When Theo and his companions enter a immigrant detention facility, one man in a metal cage stands in the Christ-like pose of the hooded man from the infamous Abu Ghraib photos. They are inducted to the detention facility through a metal series of aisles like a cattle corral over which hangs a sign reading “Homeland Security”.

Children of Men can be viewed as a futuristic road movie, a dystopian science fiction parable, or as a harsh and stinging attack on the repressive anti-terrorist and anti-immigrant policies of today. It is refreshing to see an action scene in which the hero or anti-hero doesn’t pick up a gun or use violence to resolve the situation. Director Alfonso Cuarón has produced a cataclysmic tour-de-force worthy of consideration and repeated viewing.

Copyright © 2007 Henry Edward Hardy

A version of this review was previously published by Current.

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5 September, 2007 Posted by | 1984, Alfonso Cuarón, Britain, Children of Men, Clive Owen, dictatorship, dystopia, George Orwell, immigration, Julianne Moore, media, Michael Caine, movie, movies, Orwell, repression, review, scanlyze, science fiction, terrorism, UK, video | 4 Comments