The Online Journal of Insight, Satire, Desire, Wit and Observation

I ran into Santa on the 87 bus

I ran into Santa on the 87 bus coming home from the dentist today.

At least he was dressed more or less as Santa with a red suit and red floppy hat and answered to Santa when I addressed him as such.

“Hello there Santa, you’re kind of early this year aren’t you?

Well you know I have to get down from the North Pole and all.

What about the reindeer.

They don’t fly except on Christmas. I gunna have to bring Rudolph again this year.

Doesn’t Rudolph have to you know, light the way?

Yeah that’s what he does at night.

And in daytime?

You don’t want to know. Are you just coming home from work?

I was at the dentist.

I hope they gave you something for the pain.

It was just a checkup the pain comes later.

You know I have an elf with a sore tooth. It’s so bad he can’t work or nothin’.

I hope they gave him something for the pain.

They gave him Percocet.

That must be a happy elf!

(black lady with a ton of shopping bags): Ha ha ha. Yep that’s one happy elf. Ha ha ha.

Yes he ain’t feelin’ no pain now. But he still won’t work.

Are we going to be getting messed up toys with an apology saying this elf had a sore tooth and then he was too stoned to work?

No I got enough elfs. Everything is under control. Don’t you worry about nothin’!”

(/me gets off at Teele Square)

You have to have a sense of fantasy! :) :) :)

Copyright © 2012 Henry Edward Hardy

7 December, 2012 Posted by | scanlyze | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

America, Land of the Un-brave, Home of the Un-free

America, Land of the Un-brave, Home of the Un-free

Yesterday I got on the 73 bus from Harvard Station. This bus goes toward Watertown where two of the “terrorist suspects” were picked up yesterday. Almost immediately the driver breathlessly got on the radio and reported a “suspicious person”. “He is watching all the buses and writing down something on a clipboard”.

I thought this interesting so I got off at the next stop (which the driver missed till I reminded him) and walked back. I sat down next to the “suspicious person” and observed him. Sure enough he had a printed form on a clipboard and was watching every bus and looking at everyone on board writing something down about it. He was mid 50ish, short greyish hair, light complexion, blue slacks and a green windbreaker.

I told him, “The driver on my bus called you in as a suspicious person so you might be getting a visit from the MBTA cops in a few minutes. I assume you work for the MBTA and are counting people on the buses to help them estimate usage?”

He sighed and said “Yes that happens a lot to me. I don’t mind the hassle personally, I can deal with it, but what bothers me is seeing my America turned into a police state. They keep announcing ‘if you see something, say something’, its like ‘1984’”.

I said, “This isn’t my America. My America is the land of the free and the home of the brave. And to the extent that we are no longer brave, we become no longer free. This is more like Communist China, where everyone is supposed to spy on everyone else.”

Previous Scanlyze stories on ‘terrorism’.

Copyright © 2010 Henry Edward Hardy

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15 May, 2010 Posted by | Boston, bus, cowardice, fear, Massachusetts, MBTA, scanlyze, security | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment